[ohdoctordie]

Ooooh, I've been looking forward to this! Can't wait to see what you do with it.

I lovvve the pacing and Rose's ridiculous kind-heartedness. One thing though: there's a bit too much dialogue. Maybe throw in some description of the setting, brief background info or even their mannerisms. Actions speak just as loud as words in writing.

Anyway, carry on, please. :]

[marley_asaur]

Yes, i don't know why you were all worried, Tori!
It's amazing so far.
<3

[smileychik_100]

Ooh thanks guys!
-hugs you all-

Indy- //shakesheadfuriously.
I will work on that.
Oh, and yes, I wanted to make Rose that ridiculous kind and warm caring character that everyone has to love. ♥ But yet you hate her for being so innocent and easily manipulated.

[smileychik_100]

"Where was the last time you saw your daughter?" Officer BUCK asked kindly. His words wrapped around Mother Kimberly's head, oozing themselves in to her thick skull. She was weeping quietly, her shoulders hunched. Kim's hair looked exactly like Rose's, fair, soft, and just the same color of blonde. Kims' eyes though, a warm brown, and Rose's a hazel was the only difference.
"Last year!" Rose's mom sobbed and put her head on the smooth table. Officer Buck sighed, and rested a hand on her weeping shoulders.
"Where?" Buck asked gentily. He needed all the information he could get to get a nice lead. But all he knew was that a boy had liked Rose, and that he had a note. But he didn't know who's the boys name was and what he even looked like.
"The day before her and her friends were going to go to the lake. She was excited, Rose told me that she loved me." Kim's lips turned up in to a smile, "And then she kissed me on the cheek and said to pass on her lovings to Grandmother." Her eyes were happy now as she chuckled at the memory. Rose was just a kind hearted person. "Rose loved her grandmother, you know. She always wore what her Grandmother made her...and even wore her broches." Kim smiled at Officer Buck, this time wider showing her white straight teeth.
"She seemed like a nice person," Officer Buck said roughly. His brown eyes twinkled.
"Seems! With an S. She's alive!" Rose's mother cried out, and clung to the table for support. She refused to look at the five photos laying out on the table in front of her.
"Kimberly" Officer. Buck said and took Her by the shoulders, "Stop, she's gone." He felt hurt as Kim just crumpled up.
"Do you remember anyone that seemed suspicious? Anyone?" He pressed.
"Well there was this nice looking boy. He was always outside our house, writing things down in a journal. I always assumed he liked Rose, and wanted to gave her some poetry..." Kimberly smiled.
"Do you know his name?" Officer Buck said, excitedly.
"Well, no. When I asked him his name the lad just said, 'You don't need to know. I am nobody but a concious memory'." Rose's mom's face scrunched up and her shoulders heaped. Her fingers tap tap tapped on the wood and she then began to bite her fingernails.
"What did he look like?" Officer said and sighed. His hand was at his forehead as he wiped sweat. Kimberly crunched her face, trying to remember.
"I don't know. For some reason...his face is just a blurr in my memory." And then she began to cry again.
__________________________________________________ _________________________________

"Sometimes, don't you just hate going to this college?" Maya sighed as she wiped some loose black hair out of her grey eyes. She cocked her head as she waited for Rose to remember. Rose was unpacking some lunch from a paper bag, her hazel eyes light.
"Never, I love college and everyone in it." Rose smiled at her friend. Maya sighed and began eating the contents of her salad. Did Rose always have to be so-nice? As she debated wether or not she'd want Rose being a little more meaner, somebody walked up to them.
His nose was long and defined, but it wasn't big enough to gawk at. He was lightly tanned and had warm brown eyes with black shaggy hair.
"Hello," He said and looked at his shoe laces. "I'm someone."
Maya scoffed and looked at the boy.
"Hi, I'm Rose." Rose smiled at him and held out her hand.
"I know," The boy whispered, and walked away. Leaving Rose's hand dangling in the air.

[smileychik_100]

Bump?

[ohdoctordie]

Sweet, I just came on to see if you'd updated this.
Reading...

EDIT: The plot thickens... You're giving us so many teeny tiny hints; the suspense is killing me!
So I figured instead of being like, "And in the part where..." I'd just copy and paste, make my comments in blue and typo corrections and such in red. If you'd rather not have me do this, just tell me to back off. XD

"Seems! With an S. She's alive!" Rose's mother cried out, and clung to the table for support. She refused to look at the five photos laying out on the table in front of her. Kim had to be in denial. (The "seems" correction and the fact that she refuses to look at the photos shows that she's in denial, so there's no real need to say she is.)
"Mrs. Kim!" (I'm confused. She's called Kimberly in one part, and Mrs. Kim here. Which one is she?) Officer Buck said and took her by the shoulders, "Stop, she's gone." He felt hurt as Kim just crumpled up.
"Do you remember anyone that seemed suspicious? Anyone?" He pressed.
"Well there was this nice looking guy. ("Boy" would probably be more natural for a mother to say.) He was always outside our house, writing things down in a journal. I always assumed he liked Rose, and wanted to gave her some poetry..." Kimberly smiled.
"Do you know his name?" Officer Buck said, excitedly. The lead that he needed! (Again, this is obviously the lead he's been waiting for. Could easily be deleted.)
"Well, no. When I asked him his name the lad just said, 'You don't need to know. I am nobody but a concious memory'." Rose's mom seemed troubled. (Now it's the opposite. You're just telling us that her mom's troubled. Try having her facial expression or posture change. Something that shows she's troubled.)

[smileychik_100]

Indy, what would I do with out you?
I will revise my writing, :.)

[marley_asaur]

Oh! Lovely post, Torii!!!!

[obese]

Ooooh, so far: I love this, Tori.

[smileychik_100]

DYLAN!!!!!