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Old 2 Weeks Ago   #31 (permalink)
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Default Re: Dasu. [Cover added and another update. Critique please.]

Olivia - Hehe, I'm glad you like him. He's just like this guy I know.
Here's some more. ;]
Ahem... Keep in mind this is for NaNoWriMo, so I've done no editing or anything.
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Paul and Dasu set off towards where the rest of the children, boys and girls alike, were playing football. The ball they played with was old and falling to pieces, held together it seemed, by the collective will of the village’s aspiring football stars. Dasu and Paul seamlessly joined in the game, quickly establishing which side they were on. A few dirty tackles and several speedy turn over’s later, Dasu managed to put one away. It flew through the gap in between two huts that acted as the goal post, and knocked over an empty plastic bucket, startling a scraggily rooster. “Wooo-hooo!” Dasu roared, and ran a victory lap of the pitch, waving his arms around. Paul and the rest of his team clapped their hands, before squashing him in a massive group hug. After numerous high fives and cheers, the game went back underway. Sesi, Paul’s older sister scored a goal for the opposite team, then cart wheeled like a gymnast. Paul growled angrily. “Stupid girl!” He muttered, kicking a stone.
Sesi must have heard him, for she pulled a face at him. “Smarter than you!” She cried, and her friends laughed. Dasu joined in, but was quickly silence by an elbow to the ribs from Paul. “You’re supposed to be on my side!” He hissed.
“I don’t recall choosing to be on anyone’s side,” Dasu replied haughtily, pushing Paul’s shoulder as they set up for the kick off.
“Well you’re my friend, so obviously you’re on mine.”
Dasu arched his left eyebrow slightly, putting his closed fists on his hips. “’scuse me?” He snarled, his nose thoroughly put out of joint. As he spoke, he snaked his neck to punctuate his question. Paul snorted at his expression, then burst out laughing. “You... You f*cking... You... F*ck....Pooftah!” He gasped between bursts of raucous laughter. Paul glared, his heavy brows knitting over serious eyes.
“Oi, you fags!” One of the girls bellowed. “Are we gonna play or what!?”
“Fags!? Fags?!” Paul and Dasu exclaimed in unison, sounding rather affronted. One of their team mates kicked dust at them both and growled; “Don’t start. Let’s just bloody play, before we all die waiting for you two to sort out your issues.”
The boys glowered at him, but he was older and bigger than them both, so they didn’t challenge him. “Right!” An older girl barked, “Let’s play!” She whistled with her fingers, and the ball was booted viciously towards the line of girls by an angry looking Paul.
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Old 2 Weeks Ago   #32 (permalink)
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Default Re: Dasu. [Cover added and another update. Critique please.]

Amazing,
Keep writing
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Old 2 Weeks Ago   #33 (permalink)
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Default Re: Dasu. [Cover added and another update. Critique please.]


Thank you!
And I am.
Frantically.
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Emo needs to get lost like Nemo. And stay lost.

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Old 2 Weeks Ago   #34 (permalink)
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Default Re: Dasu. [Cover added and another update. Critique please.]

Pooftah xD
More when you can
<33
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Old 2 Weeks Ago   #35 (permalink)
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Default Re: Dasu. [Cover added and another update. Critique please.]

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Emo needs to get lost like Nemo. And stay lost.

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Old 2 Weeks Ago   #36 (permalink)
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Default Re: Dasu. [Cover added and another update. Critique please.]

Ayy I'm waiting for more >->
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Old 2 Weeks Ago   #37 (permalink)
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Default Re: Dasu. [Cover added and another update. Critique please.]

The two boys together are really funny!!
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Harry Potter may have brought sexy back bu Draco never lost it. Draco Malfoy.

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Old 2 Weeks Ago   #38 (permalink)
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Default Re: Dasu. [Cover added and another update. Critique please.]

Cash - Sorry, I'm trying to finish a chapter so I can post it all at once.
Olivia - Good. I try to make them entertaining.
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Old 1 Week Ago   #39 (permalink)
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Default Re: Dasu. [Cover added and another update. Critique please.]

Bump.
More soonish.
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Old 1 Week Ago   #40 (permalink)
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Default Re: Dasu. [Cover added and another update. Critique please.]

Yay
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